Table of Contents
Instances
Results
Alterations
The Family outlines the principles of parenting that have been divinely approved. Media does not always reflect these principles. In the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002), they obey some principles but disobey others. They have positive outcomes for the character, but negative outcomes for their relationship.
Toula’s story revolves around her being born into a Greek, high-spirited family. They are deeply rooted to Greek culture and traditions. Toula Portokalos, the main character of the movie, comes from a high-spirited Greek family that is deeply rooted in Greek tradition and culture.
ExamplesAccording to the Proclamation, parents have the responsibility of “teaching [their] children to observe God’s commandments” (P6, Proclamation Concerning the Family). The Portokalos Family in My Big Fat Greek Wedding is very obedient. In the film, they regularly attend church. The commandment to baptize is also observed. Gus insists Ian is baptized to allow Toula, Ian and Gus to marry in the Greek Orthodox church. God’s commandments include regular church attendance, baptism and other religious practices.
Another of the family declaration principles is, “teach them to love one another”. (P6, Proclamation On The Family). Dieter Uchtdorf remarked that love is spelled “t-i.m.e. time” in reality (Uchtdorf, 2010,). The Portokalos Family in My Big Fat Greek Wedding is very obedient by putting emphasis on time spent together as a whole family. Two examples are the frequent family get-togethers they hold and their invitations to extended families. They also have dinner with their families every night. Toula & Ian were supported by the whole family when they got married. To love and serve siblings and members of the family, you need to spend time together.
It also states in the Proclamation that “parents must raise their children to be loving and righteous” (P6, Proclamation for Families). Gus Portokaulous is obedient in some ways to this principle. In the end they finally support Toula with her educational and romantic goals. Supporting their child’s choices is one of the best ways to show love. Maria shows this same principle by fighting for Toula. She works with Gus and helps him overcome his fears that she will not be able to get an education. Maria shows Toula love by fighting as hard as she can for Toula’s goals and dreams. These are the traits of authoritative parenting. This includes “expressing warmth” and being responsive to the child.
Portokaulos did not adhere to this principle in all areas, but their parenting was one of them. Although they displayed some authoritative parenting traits, their parenting was often oversolicitous. Oversolicitous parents “do not allow children to make their own decisions, do not let them try new things and encourage dependence on the parent” (Nelson 2016). Gus did not want Toula to make decisions about her education or love life. He didn’t want Toula to be adventurous, so he initially refused to let her attend college. He wanted her to continue relying on him for the running of his restaurant. He wanted Toula “never to leave him”(Zwick,2002).
Portokalos family is also disobedient of the Proclamation’s principle, which states: “Fathers and mothers must help each other in an equal partnership” (P7 – The Proclamation for the Family). Gus & Maria aren’t very good at it. Gus claims to be the “head man” in the relationship. He makes the decisions. Maria is obviously not his equal. Maria also doesn’t think they are equals. In one of her scenes, she tells Maria: “The woman is neck and the man is head.” She can move her head in any direction she likes (Zwick 2002). Even though she’s standing up to Gus and attempting to balance out the differences in his dominance she doesn’t seem to show any desire to work with him as a partner. She does not see herself as an equal partner, but rather as a subordinate that can manipulate her man to do what she desires.
OutcomesFor a principle that “teach kids to obey God’s commands,” research has shown that “adolescents embracing a faith community are more prone to behave in a way that is consistent moral values”(Hawkins Dollhite & Draper, 2012). Religious involvement encourages “better educational performance, prosociality, and lower delinquent and drug- and alcohol-use” (Hawkinset al.,2012). Portokalos’ children mostly fit into this category. All of them grew into honest, hardworking people who did not cause any problems. Their parents probably instilled a deep religious foundation in them. This movie could encourage more people to practice religion and develop good character.
In research, it has been shown that regular family meals result in “decreased substance abuse, cigarette smoking and sexual promiscuity as well alcohol consumption. Delinquency is also reduced, including theft, vandalism and shoplifting. Again, there were no delinquents, drug users, smokers, or drinkers in the movie. Most likely, this was due to the emphasis placed on family. This movie could teach people to eat more meals with their families. There would be fewer delinquents and addicts.
The results of “raising children with love and righteousness” can be numerous. This principle is what we call authoritative parenting. The positive effects of authoritative parenting on children include social and moral maturity as well as academic success and education attainment. Toula displayed these results during her dating. She showed maturity on their dates and they fell in love. She showed less traditional gender roles and signs of education by pursuing a career as a travel agent and not marrying and having children, like her parents expected. Maria exhibited warmth, affection and responsiveness and showed signs that she was “involved in [Toula]’s” life. Toula received the benefits of authoritative parenthood because Maria displayed “warmth, affection and responsiveness”. Maria’s parenting would lead to better relationships and more validation for children.
Toula had a tougher time than most because both her parents were overly solicitous. Oversolicitous parents can cause anxiety, fear of social situations, withdrawal from social gatherings, a negative view of themselves, and peer rejection. Toula’s grade school experience was difficult because Gus, Maria, and her parents did not let her take her own decision and experiment with new things. She displayed social fearfulness when she could not befriend the other girls. Her low self-esteem was a result of this. Children would suffer if everyone emulated their overly solicitous behavior.
Gus and Maria had a relationship that was unequal. This led to many things. According to research by Nelson (2016), couples who work toward equality have “happier relationships and greater marriage satisfaction” as well as more effective parenting. Their children also function better. Gus overzealously defended Greek culture and traditions because of their unequal partnership. Toula lost respect for Gus as a result. Toula, her daughter, had a strained relation with her father because he talked about their marriage and children all the time and did not communicate. Gus and Maria’s communication would have improved had they been on an equal footing. Maria also would have made him a better father to his children. All parent-child relations would suffer from a relationship that was unequal and hierarchical.
ChangesTo make the film conform to proclamation, the Portokalos parents would have change their overly-solicitous parenting and their hierarchical relationships. Gus had to change his attitude towards women and be more tolerant. Toula’s autonomy would be increased if Gus allowed her to develop her talent and explore her desires as a child. He would be able to get her to respect her Greek heritage better if her father did not constantly push his opinion on her. She may also have married sooner if her father had wanted it. Gus & Maria’s relationship would have been more successful and their children would be better off if it was based upon equality instead of hierarchy. Gus & Maria could have raised Toula better if they had been united and communicated well.
Toula’s educational goals are ultimately achieved. She met her husband through those experiences, and even though their marriage revealed the Portokalos’ problems with parenting, they were able resolve them. We can learn a lot from Portokalos’ mistakes and emulate their success in raising righteous parents. We can also recognize Proclamation Principles in the media, and then apply them to raise righteous children.
